I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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