I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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