Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
