Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
