Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
