Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
