I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
everyone is single if you try hard enough
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
