I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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