i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
