I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
