If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize