yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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