And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
