Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
