Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize