are you still at the devil's house?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
