i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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