the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
