Cold hands, warm shart.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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