WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
