I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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