i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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