Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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