No awkward lesbian experiences without me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
