and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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