Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize