Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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