He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize