new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
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