I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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