I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
