I got chris browned last night
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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