i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
