It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
smell my finger.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize