Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
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