Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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