if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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