I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
