i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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