I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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