You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
