Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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