no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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