He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
