im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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