I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
