Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
