During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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