why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
