remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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