actually, I'm a sock model
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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