The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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