No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
