Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
