I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
