mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
