please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
