So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize