my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
