You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
