my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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