I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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