In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize